It Was Mother's Day

God has been doing some awesome stuff in my life here lately. To start this issue, I first must tell you that when I was a child, I learned very early not to say anything, not to feel anything, and to stay out of everybody's way. I learned that to feel was to sin. So that left me very empty and the love I needed from being nurtured and cared for was denied me in a big way. I don't mean to say this so as to gain pity; just the opposite. I say this in order to show the difference God can make in a life when they are willing to let Him.

At one point in my life I could no longer keep everything locked up inside and so I started letting my anger out. I was once a very nasty person, one who could make a sailor blush by the way I talked. I could out cuss them all! My second husband and I would drink like there was no tomorrow. And sometimes I wished tomorrow would never come. What a mess I made of my life on my own.

But when I met Jesus, things started to get better. At first they didn't, heck, sometimes it seemed worse. But they were the times when I didn't seek to know the Lord. I never knew you could know Him personally. Why didn't anyone tell me? Well, maybe they did, but I wasn't willing to hear? That's probably closer to the truth than I care to admit!!

Anyway, needless to say, I never knew my mother in a "motherly" kind of way. I was so terrified that I would do something wrong and so sure I was wrong all the time, that I kept away although I loved her very, very much as children do. I could never tell her. O, how it hurt to have to keep it all inside. O how it hurt to never hear anyone say "I love you" or "I'm glad I had you". You know, that everyday stuff a kid needs to hear. And a hug? I ached for lack of them.

But God. He is a seeing God, a feeling God and He saw me and knew me and knew what I was feeling and needing even when I didn't realize it.

This is the first year of my 61 years I've been able to tell my mom that I love her. And I think it's the first year she's been able to tell me. See, one day while I was off work from surgery, I went to see her. We talked chit chat for a while and then I was getting tired and had to leave. She lives about an hour away and I had to be careful since I was still post-op. Anyway, I started to leave but turned to her and I put my arms around her and said, "I've always loved you, Mom." She held onto me like I don't know what and I held onto her the same. I sensed God was touching something in both of us. O what a wonder and what wonderful things He does in us.

My mom is coming down this weekend. Mother's day! Can you believe this? My Mom! She came once before and stayed in a hotel up the street. She feels awkward and it is still an awkward time for us, so it's ok. This time I got her a really nice place and insisted I pay for it. (And it was expensive, but hey, it's for my Mom.) I'm going to pick her up Saturday morning and then home after church Sunday.

My husband and I offered to build an in-law suite onto our house for her if she ever wanted to move in with us. The Bible says that true religion is visiting the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. Well, a year ago my Mom was distressed at the loss of her second husband. In the short time they had together, they loved a lifetime and it was a tremendous loss. I didn't think she was doing to make it. But when I would visit her, I'd always hug her and pray over her and I saw firsthand how good God is. He did what no one else could do.

I am so grateful to God for starting to restore us. That's His specialty, ya know. With God is terrible majesty.